So heres where you can read my daily filth, some may be shocked, some may find it upsetting. To be honest I couldn't care less... If you don't like it? DO ONE! 

So Jermain Defoe has been put on the scrap heap by his John fashanu look alike ex Alexandra Burke!

Now I am totally against cheating in all its forms, but I’m struggling to understand how Miss BURKE can be taking the recent claims against Jermain seriously, has she seen the bird that is making the accusations? Not
only does she look like a cross between Peter Kay and Subo, she’s professing that Defoe begged her for saucy pictures and sex in a travel lodge…

1, Did she manage to find a lens to fit her whole rotund body in one shot? Or did she need to take multiple pictures and send them as a batch? Her best option would have probably been to give him her post code and
tell him to find her on Google Earth…

2, He’s a footballer, if he just wanted to get his Willy wet, he surely has the financial capabilities to snag a better catch. Mrs Blobby is not my idea of a good night in the sack, between the effort of negotiating her
stomach to actually get more than the tip of his cock in and having to give her a bed bath in the morning, I’m sure he has better things to do… Like playing badly for spurs!

I’m sorry but kiss and tells only work if they are in the slightest bit believable, so Miss Peter Subo Blobby better luck next time… You fat money grabbing Munter!

So I’ve been wondering where Jeremy Kyle finds the dregs of humanity that grace his show, I can only assume that his production team are offering something really attractive as a reward? Like and injection of the
Brown or free wash products…

I don’t get to watch much day time TV, however on the occasions I have seen the show, he seems to be entertaining an array of Drug addicts, benefit cheats and wastrels. Now although it makes for good TV to
watch the dribbling messes squirming under the pressure of Jeremy’s little man syndrome, I fail to see how in some circumstances the program is doing anything else apart from publicly humiliating its guests…

So in today’s show we were introduced to Dave, an unemployed benefit claiming heroin addict and Tracy, Ex tea leaf benefit cheat with a mouth full of broken paving slabs and a mole under her eye, that looked like
she had left a coco pop there for later… both accused along with three others of stealing a fridge full of meat and a bike. Unbelievable the story may be, Dave of course was the culprit, Tracy was just an ugly cunt, this proved by the lie detector test and the fact Tracy should be made to wear a bag over her head.

Not only did all contestants on this episode of Jeremy’s Shame game not have a wash or get rid of their old school beat up reebok classics before coming on air, they all looked like they belonged in rehab. Jeremy could have saved some money and spent the time with more deserving people, by just getting a permanent pen and writing Thieving Cunt on Dave and Ugly Benefit Cheat on Tracy’s head, before telling them to get a job and kicking them straight back to the council estate they came from…

So to summarise the guests have actually gained nothing, they already had the knowledge that Dave is a drug addictted thief and Tracy unrightfully claims benifits, they still have No meat, No bike and NO self-respect! I fail to see how going live on national TV has done anything apart from advertise the fact that they should both do time... and are complete wastes of skin!

So once again Southeastern SCREWED my day! A company that needs to inspire confidence in the British public leading up to the Olympics clearly thinks it's acceptable to run a piss poor service.

Already running a bank holiday schedule with half an hour between trains, they were terminating the return journey halfway through. I had already waited 15 minutes prior to boarding the train and was now being left procrastinating at another station four stops from home!

Not only was the platform covered in yesterday’s litter, the Southeastern employee was a bumbling idiot, he barely spoke English and looked like his new year’s resolution was not to wash.

I can’t help being apprehensive about their competence to not ruin the normal commuters lives during the summer months, I personally will be taking a very long holiday!

What is it with women and spacial awareness, not only are they historically bad drivers, most women with fat arses seem to be paving the way for human wing mirrors... If you have a large behind its probably going to be a good idea to check behind you before you sit down. On the train yesterday I actually thought I was going to lose my leg to a womans anus, not only did she reverse her way into the seat next to me, she also seemed to enjoy the fact her BO was making me gag!

Large Ladies please remember these Filthy Tips

1. Soap is your best friend
2. Remember to wipe the food from all your chins
3. Reversing lights are optional but advised
4. No matter what size your leggings are, they are still going to be see through

So commuters were made to wait 60 minutes for a southeastern train the other day. The reason... The guard was eating a sandwich? Now i don't know if anyone else agrees and personally i don't care, but surely that must have been the largest sandwich in history, or the guy eating it had no teeth!

In the world of rediculous excuses this has to come pretty high....